Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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