Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
