Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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