He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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