He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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