Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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