I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like death gave me a hand job
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
