i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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