sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
