That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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