I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
