Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
