i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
