I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
