There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
