Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
