Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
