we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
