I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
