He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
