**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
