My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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