if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Randomize
