I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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