The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize