She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
