We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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