Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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