My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
