My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
