I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
from now on my penis is your penis
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
