we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
