i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They took my balls.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
