shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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