He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
