i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
