Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
