so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
