I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
