You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
