I molested 6 butterflies tonight
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
