how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
