Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
