My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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