Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
