You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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