Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
