Plan B is the new Plan A
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
