Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
