is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
