take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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