Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
