Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
