I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
