So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
