I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Quick, to the slutcave!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
