Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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