By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
